Relief
Of course I am sad. Sadder than I thought possible. When I think of the future: the hopes and dreams Josh had (and I had for him) it feels like a piece of my soul is missing.
Read MoreCategory: Summer
I’ve been a fool
Thursday was Joshua’s memorial. It was, for me, a moment that counted. There were many, many people who got that but also – and this is why I feel like such a fool – many people who had sent me “anything you need” messages through the year that were missing.
Read MoreThe boy in the green tights – a eulogy for Josh
We drove home from Durban on Thursday and I told Shannon that I didn’t like to think of Josh Resting in Peace. His reply to me was – of course he isn’t resting in peace. He is at the front. Causing trouble.
Read MoreAll the worry-worthy things
“Cardiac patients seem to notice all the risks in the world,” she said. “Often they end up being afraid to do things on their own. It robs them of their independence.”
Cancer, it seems is the same.
Read MoreThe elephant on my chest
“There’s a elephant sitting on my chest.” My words feel rushed and tangled. My tongue trips over the simplest of phrases. I’m having difficulty keeping the volume of my voice even.
Read MoreCancer Christmas List
Here is the list of things on Joshua’s Christmas wish-list that I can fulfil A cookery book....
Read MoreA life without flowers
I have an extra-ordinary child. He is bright beyond measure, he’s brave, and forthright and determined and has “good attitude” in bucket loads. He inspires so many people, including me.
I wish he didn’t.
Read MoreCancer’s other heroes
He’s ended the year with passing grades, a clutch of new friends and an outstanding repertoire of 80’s-rock, guitar solos.
Read MoreWinter Solstice and the long nights
Crikey, I miss summer. I miss it with the same ache I imagine for a Jane Austen heroine dreaming of her potential husband. And, like her, my tormented imaginings are not entirely realistic.
Read MoreHow to make peace with autumn
For the last few weeks I’ve been alternately avoiding the garden and clearing out the last of the summer crops.
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